Personal settings
by Solarius Scorch
Summary: Kagami is angry, Konata is preaching, and the Internet is an evil place.


A little piece I have discovered on my drive recently and decided it's not as bad as I thought back then.

* * *

"Konata! We need to talk, now!"

Izumi Konata looked up dreamily; she has just started on getting some much-needed rest on the carpet in Hiiragi family room, her brain still complete numbed from the amount of knowledge Kagami had been feeding her for the past few hours. Her sight focused on the purple-haired tsundere, who definitely wasn't happy.

"Eh?" Konata barely moved, not too excited about using any of her muscles, including those involved in speech. "Don't talk so loud, Kagamin... My head's aching." A moment later her basic habits kicked in, and she smirked. "If you want to confess to me, do it later", she added with a hint of impishness.

Konata sat abruptly right after a foot had slammed into the floor just an inch from the spot where her head used to be. Kagami was leaning over her menacingly, her fists shaking. "That's... not funny! And anyway, I'm talking about respecting other people's privacy! Something you clearly have never heard about!"

Konata blinked. "But Kagami-sama, I always respect your privacy... I know so many embarrassing little things about you, and yet I never tell anyone outside our circle ~"

"Shut up!" Kagami pounded her foot into the floor again; window panes gave a slightly ringing sound. "I do NOT appreciate you telling embarrassing stories to anyone, including our so-called circle. I mean, not that there is anything embarrassing to tell..." She took a deep breath to compose herself. "Anyway, I'm not talking about that! It's about you treating my things like they were yours. Do you have a sense of personal property?"

"Of course I do, Kagami-sama... Kagami", she corrected herself under Kagami's killing stare. "Although in my family we share everything, and everyone is okay with that. And aren't we almost like family too?"

"No, we aren't, dammit. Still, I don't really mind you browsing my books and movies. I do mind you going through my drawers whenever you need a pen or something, but I can live with that. But my PC... You know, that's a different level!"

Konata strained her memory, trying to remember hacking into Kagami's mailbox or finding some unexpectedly saucy material on her hard drive, but she failed to recall anything... Or at least, anything that Kagami would find out. "Hmmm... But I did nothing wrong with your PC..."

Kagami sighed again, preparing for letting another outburst of her Angry Parent personality aspect. "You did nothing wrong? You messed with my personal settings! Don't you know that every person sets them differently and that it is very rude to change them on someone else's PC on your own? Isn't that why they're called 'personal'?" She was gesturing rather vividly for her standards.

As Konata failed to show any sign of comprehension, Kagami explained through gritted teeth: "You disabled the family filter in my browser."

Konata's jaw dropped slightly. After a few seconds of utter silence, the bluenette barely stifled something that must have been a rather huge burst of laughter. However, she quickly adopted her usual teasing voice again. "Ooooh, did Kagami-chan see something bad on the web? Something that shook her so deeply that her inner world was turned upside down? Maybe she needs a hug, mmmm?"

Kagami could swear that Konata was not only utterly amused by all this, but also started having some dangerous fantasies already. "I'm not shaken, and my world is not something that can be turned upside down by anything I see on the internet", she stated icily, still towering over her schoolmate. "And I certainly do not need a hug from you. I only wanted to do some research for the arts class, and I was flooded with... unwanted content. It was a pain to go through all that, and it was completely unnecessary in the first place...", her voice trailed off; she was blushing profusely.

Quite unexpectedly, Konata stood up with a very serious expression. She faced her fuming friend, and placed her small hand on Kagami's shoulder. "My dear child", she said as solemnly as she could, trying to mimic voice introductions to certain dark-themed games, "you are wandering in the dark. Everything you know is wrong, and you are but a stray sheep at the mercy of this world's powers. Do not worry though, Konata-oneesan is here, to guide you safely back towards the light."

This time Kagami failed to respond to this sudden, ridiculous change in Konata's behaviour. She was desperately trying to decide whether she should punch the bluenette, tease her back, or just give up and find something more productive to do than talking to this obnoxious lunatic. Konata didn't waste this chance and pressed on.

"You see, there are certain priorities", she continued with her index finger pointing up, but using her normal voice now, "which in fact are fundamental for our personal freedom. While using family filter software might be justified in certain situations, an adult person like yourself should refrain from this kind of restrictions."

"That's not for you to decide! Besides, I was doing just fine with the filter on!"

"A-ha! That's exactly where you are mistaken. You see, there are things on the web that could make even you flinch, but nothing that would actually harm an adult person like us, so there's no need to fear. On the other hand, if some kind of content filter is enabled when you're surfing, don't you feel, well, oppressed? Like there was an information wall raised around you by those who want to decide for you! They want to shelter you from anything they deem unsuitable, excluding you from the choosing process entirely! This is worse than fascism, this is cultural castration, mmm!"

Kagami looked at her in disbelief. "You're saying so because you only look for unsuitable things on the web. Don't put other people in the same basket!"

"Kagamin, you got it totally wrong! I'm hardly ever looking for sex." Seeing Kagami's doubtful — and a bit uneasy — expression, Konata explained: "If it's not interactive, it's just boring. Still, I would never, ever allow something like a family filter under my roof. It is completely against my beliefs in freedom of speech. This stuff is just evil!"

Only now they noticed Tsukasa, who looked like she was listening on their conversation for some time; now she looked clearly impressed. "Whoa, Kona-chan", she said, "I didn't know you were such a great speaker! I mean, you are just like those people who defend minorities and stuff. It was wonderful!", she exclaimed brightly.

Konata looked rather pleased with herself. "Gee, do you see this, Kagamin? Your younger sister seems to have her sense of citizenship and democracy much better developed than yourself. Honestly, your political views seem to be rooted in some obscure past..."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!", bellowed Kagami, causing her opponents to cover their ears. "I don't need to listen to this! Break's over! Now both of you dummies, get your asses back to my room, it's time to STUDY!"

Konata sighed. "This is gonna kill me, but I guess it can't be helped... Still, are you sure you're ready for this, Kagamin? You seem unusually excited. Maybe you should sit on Auntie Konata' lap and tell her all about those scary things you saw on the web? Auntie Konata is very wise when it comes to such things, and will gladly explain everything to you..."

"Go. To. Hell."


End file.
